I am pregnant...not broken-but I might be a beached whale :)

There are two things that have been getting to me lately which is cause for this post and the title:

1. I realize that I can't exactly do everything the same way that I did nearly 9 months ago-but I am not broken or helpless...just pregnant!  Seriously, when did being pregnant become the thing that stopped us from living our lives? Yes I am growing a human inside of me, yes, it does make me a little tired (well that and chasing a toddler around doesn't help)...but seriously there are other people out there who are worse off than I am! Think back to the days past-when women would give birth and then be fixing dinner by that evening or working the garden the next day? When did we become so helpless? Don't get me wrong, I understand that there are high risk pregnancies out there and for all of those who are please, take care of yourself-but I am not one of those pregnancies!!! (thank you Jesus) I know I am on my soap box right now, but seriously-i can put together furniture, I can paint a room, I can still cook dinner and spend time with my family while working on growing my little boy inside of me-it is possible!!! The world does not have to stop around me just because Clinton and I decided to have another baby. There are tons of women who don't even realize they are pregnant and go about their daily lives and wind up having a prefectly healthy baby. Now, I am not saying that I want to go out and party til the wee hours of the morning, drinking and doing drugs and being careless about driving...but I still want to be able to keep my house straight (as straight as it can be with a toddler), take care of my family and get my daughter's new room ready before this little man decides to make his grand appearance into the world! So go ahead, give me the dirty looks, and roll your eyes but remember it could be far worse...I am jsut resorting back to the roots of the ladies who were on little house of the prairie-if they can do it-so can I!!!

2. The second thing that has been getting on my nerves lately is why are there cuter maternity clothes? seriously, I was trying on dresses for the Easter holiday and they all made me look like a beached whale!!! I realize that I am in the last trimester of this pregnancy with a little over 9 weeks to go, but having gained under 15 pounds I just felt awful afterwards! Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant and the cool things that my body is doing right now: like my heart is growing bigger to accommodate the extra blood that is being made for myself and little Joe, how I can feel his little (sometimes big) movements, and know that what started out as just a little egg is now a human! But at the same time, working in a school, I still want to look cute! I gave my heels but does that mean that I have to give up my fashion? I know there are some cute things out there-but I also don't want to pay an arm and a leg for it...why don't retailers understand, we want to look good, but most of us will have to do it on a budget because we are about to give birth to something very expensive (and worth it I might add). While I can make somethings look ok, I don't want to have to just wear a sheet for the next few weeks...shesh!

Ok, I think that I have spent enough time standing on my soap box about these things-Lord knows if I stand here too long I will get fussed at :)   Thanks for letting me vent...it's always better to get it off my chest-because we all know that stress is not good for little ones!

To stress or not to stress...that is the question...

It has been more than a long time since I have written...and I think that I am going to have to make sure that I pick this back up again...I need it. To say that a lot has happened within the last two years would be an understatement-but I will break it down for you:

1. Still very happily married...and actually Clinton and I will be celebrating our 4 year wedding anniversary this year...he is definitely the one man who understands me-always trying to make me smile and find ways to lighten my burden of being a working mommie. And of course, he always puts up with whatever mood I am in-even my stressed out crying moods which have been happening a lot lately. But he doesn't complain, he just finds little ways to make me smile and I know I don't always do a great job of telling him how much I appreciate him, but I do-very much. He truly is my best friend, someone who I can be honest with and I know that even when I don't want to hear it he will be honest with me. I also love the strength and courage that he has...when I am falling apart, he's always so put together and can just make me feel as though we will make it.

2. Have a very diva like two and a half year old. I guess you can say that I am eating my words when I said that I didn't want to have a sissy little girl...I wanted a strong and independent one-well, boy, did I get one. Kenzie is the love of my life and she is full of character and spunk and just so sure of herself...and as much as I have to catch myself sometimes-I love it!! She cracks me up the way that she already acts so much like a little adult-and a sassy one at that (which I have no idea where that came from). I can't believe that in less than 4 months, she will be 3...and as Clinton likes to say 'one year closer to kindergarten' which of course makes me cry-i can't wait to see the person that she grows into but at the same time I can't believe how fast she is growing...

3. We are adding a new little one to our family...and it's a BOY! I am excited and scared about it all at the same time! Having never really been around boys I am not sure what to expect and am just hoping that I can be a good mommie to both him and Kenzie.  Baby Joe will be joining us in June-of course, there are those who are expecting him in May...so we shall see what happens with this little one. Call it mom's intutition but I think that Kenzie and Joe will good together...she talks to him just about everyday and she was the first and pretty much only person that has felt him move other than myself. I think that he knows he has a big sissy who will look out for him...they may aggravate each other, but overall, they will be close.

4. I am still not liking being an adult-seriously, (and I am not draggin politics into this at all) why is it that when people who are generally good people-at least I try to be...they work hard, pay their dues, etc...they can never seem to get ahead. Don't get me wrong...I am beyond grateful that I have a wonderful job and that Clinton does too, and I would not trade my Kenzie or baby Joe for anything...but the stresses of trying to work and provide for my children and my family are getting to me...could mostly be the pregnancy hormones though :)    I know some would say well just one of you stay home with you children and that would save money-maybe but who would pay all the other bills? Whoever is hoarding that money tree out there-please share it. Do i want to be rich? Not by any means...but I would like to pay off debt and be able to breathe and not live paycheck to paycheck...I know it's asking for a lot...and like i said...beyond grateful that we have a healthy child, happy marriage and are both working because I know there are those out there who are struggling far worse than we are...but I needed a day to vent about this. sorry, little selfish.

There are a million other things that I could write about for now...but I won't...I will just end with this...for those of you (which may be none)who read this...say a special prayer for other members of our family...Clinton's cousins little boy has been diagnoised with Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy...he and his family need our thought and prayers...they will be walking in the Hampton Roads Muscle Walk 2013...their team name is 'Fins to the left!' and if you are out please donate!!! And as always, hug the ones you love that are closest to you...and if you can't hug them then find a way to let them know you love them...life is short, we never know what hand we will be dealt but the best thing is to always let those around you know you care....thanks for letting me vent...it was much needed.

Long time no write...

So there has been so much going on in the workplace, and in my life in general I have barely found time to even take pictures of my little one (I'm a horrible mother)!
  
    I find myself eager to get out of town and just do something different...even if the bank account tells me I can't do that. But here I am going to a conference this weekend (well Wednesday through Friday)...I am actually excited about this one b/c I will be able to talk with other counselors who share this passion for helping students like I do. Plus I will be able to talk with my professor from graduate school and get some real professional advice about what to do with frustrating situations that arise at work-mostly with the adults that I work with more than the kids! But I am also a little sad that I won't be able to share this outing with some of my buddies from grad school...apparently I am the only one who can slip away to catch up on all the latest news in the world of school counseling. But either way I am going to enjoy these few days away to soak up all that is school counseling and try not to buy up all the books.

    Kenzie on the other hand has been going good and bad.  Bad news first....due to all the ear infections and sinus infections, she will be having tubes put in :( I know that its for the best because I don't want her to be delayed in her speech or reading abilities so even though she is rather young, I know that this will be good for her. And most people who have had their children get tubes tell me that I will be happy I did this and that it's far worse on me than it will be on her. The only thing that I am not looking forward to is not being able to give her anything to eat or drink after midnight until after the surgery :( because if she is anything like her mommie-she will not be a happy camper without food!
   Good news: she has now master the art of crawling, she can get most anywhere pretty fast and she says dada and she loves to make all sorts of noises with her mouth. She is also cutting her first tooth-although at 2 in the morning, this part belongs in the bad new category for mom and dad. And she is pulling up on everything!!!! She wants to walk so badly, she just doesn't know what to do...and she doesn't want to let go just yet, which is fine by mommie! I can't believe that my baby is 8 months old and in less than 4 months it will have been a year since I gave birth to her. I think that I will be excited and sad on her birthday. Excited b/c I am planning an awesome birthday party, but sad b/c my little girl is growing up too fast. I now get it when everyone else around me kept telling me that I should enjoy every minute b/c it will go by in the blink of an eye...it really does.
    I also went through her clothes the other day and I can't believe all that she has outgrown! I put most everything away in containers...just in case roof #2 is a girl...and mostly b/c I couldn't see myself parting with some of her favorite outfits (and by her I mean me)...although I have pulled out a few things for some of my buddies who are all having their babies...it may give me baby fever again...but then I just look at what I pay for daycare and then I am reminded why we need to wait.
   I am still very much so enjoying being a mommie...I wouldn't trade any sleepless night, snot/spit-up stained t-shirt, or fussy evening for anything else in the world...she is an amazing baby and I can't wait to see who she will become.

I think that's it for now...I will try not to let time pass so long inbetween posts...thanks for reading.

Things that I don't like dealing with...

Being an adult...

I know that I have talked about this before, but there are some issues going on in my life that have brought this feeling back. The past few days I have been wanting to go back to the age of being a kindergartener... seriously, when things where much more simpler than they are now. Think about it this way, you could still have nap time (well in some places), if you wanted something really badly you could try batting your eyes or giving a sad puppy dog face to try and get your way and in most cases it just might work. If you were trying to please people, it was certainly not as stressful as it now.

Why is it that even when you do your best, it can never be good enough for some people? And it is not always the people that you would expect that are expecting so much of you. I am a natural believer in the whole brith order theories, and if you don't know those you should look them up, I find them very interesting. So maybe it's the whole idea of being the oldest and feeling the need to prove myself and that I am a capable human being that can, along with my husband take care of my little family that has me so stressed out that I am sick. Seriously my doctor said that she thinks that I'm so stressed out that it's wearing my body down... i agreed but also brought up the valid point that I am working in a school (and we all know how many germs children have) and have a six and a half month old who limits my abilites to get a full nights sleep... but she's so cute that I don't mind!

I am trying my best to just forget the small things and focus on my little family (clinton, kenzie and myself) and not worry about anything else. But it's just so hard because I want to be able to talk with someone without having to defend things...I want to be able to be  happy with everything that is going on around me...but sometimes people make it sooooo hard!!!! That's life I guess...and I guess that it's all part of being an adult.   :(    Maybe one day things will get better.

life is what you make of it...

Once again I find my mind wondering because it is Friday and it SHOULD be a good day and I SHOULD be excited about the three day weekend-but I'm not...there were somethings that happened that really hurt my feelings and I have no one that I can talk to at this moment so I turn to my blog....so get ready for a long vent blog!

Growing up you are taught that one should be a good sport, a team player, supportive whether things go your way or not, include others, etc....but where do we lose these good qualities along the way? I agree that you should work hard and try to make yourself known in your job in this tough economic time, but I also believe that you should NOT step on, belittle or make anyone else that you work with feel bad in the process. Now of course, you can't spend your life walking on egg shells, but be tactful and watch who you take your frustrations out on...think about it-how many times have you blown up at the wrong person. This is what happened to me today. I was the victim of doing my job-but at the same time getting shunned and made to feel like I am in capable of being a counselor. I seriously felt as though I was having a flash back of being in middle school again (amusing I know because of where I am currently working) stuck between two friends and feeling like nothing I can say will make anything better.

I agree that I am new to this field of work but I was trained under some really great and well-known in Virginia's counseling field professionals...so I am not dumb...and I am not here to take your job-I just want to feel included. I feel so selfish asking this, but when you work with students, I believe that there has to be team approach...everyone, whether you love that person or can't stand to be anywhere near them, you need to work together! I just want to be trusted, and there are those who believe that trust should be earned, and while that may be true, it's hard to earn trust if you are sitting on the sidelines.

As my title says...I am just going to try and make the best of what is left of this workday...look at the pictures of my daughter and be thankful that I do have a job. But I wish that each of you who read this blog would remember this...(and this is something that I got from someone else so I can't take credit for it-but I love this phrase so I am going to share it)
                   *Be kinder than necessary because everyone is fighting some kind of battle*

So while we may ourselves be having a hard/bad day remember that someone else always has it worse, and remember not to take your frustrations/anger out on the wrong person. Life is what you make of it and I am choosing to make it a great day...

Just happy...

As I sit at my desk this morning, horrible I know to be writing at work, but it's a bit slow and I just have something on my mind that I want to share....

I am truly thankful that God has blessed me with a very happy ( most of the time) and HEALTHY baby. Sure, she gets the snifflies (like that new word?) every now and again, and no I don't think it's because of our house, I am pretty sure it's because I work with middle schoolers who are full of germs and she's in daycare-but I am rambling, sorry...but I have not have to stay over night in the hospital with her-other than when she was born. I can bathe her in her pink tub and watch her play with all her bath toys...and not have to bathe her in a little tub infront of nurses. I can dress her and kiss her little feet...and blow rasberries on her tummy and make her laugh...I can read to her and rock her to sleep without tubes and IVs getting in the way. But most of all I can kiss her anytime I want...and I can say her name and have her look at me and smile and know that I do have a wonderful baby who just completes my life.

Sorry, don't mean to make it sound like I am bragging...but all these other babies that I am praying for, and these parents who are struggling/fighting to keep their babies alive made me feel as though I needed to take a moment to just be grateful that Mackenzie is the way that she is...funny, sweet, adorable, even a bit moody at times...but she's my baby and I love her.

Ok, I am done...everyone have a lovely day...I love you Mackenzie!!!!

Drama...

It is amusing to me...I always thought that when I grew up the drama would decrease...WRONG!!!

I find that family drama is almost more of a headache than work or school drama...seriously...why is that no matter what is going on in your life, how hard you work, how much you show tht you love and care of people it is just NEVER EVER good enough for them?

I thought that families were where you were you suppose to go to when you needed support...whom you could lean on in times that were difficult...don't get me wrong...I know that my family loves me but there are just a few people who make me feel as though I'm a bad mom...

• I love my family...I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter
• I work...because I love my daughter and diapers and formula do not grow on trees...
• I pay my bills...not because I want to but because they tell me this is what it means to become an adult...
• HOWEVER...I do not have the nicest or newest car and netiher does my husband....and it's not for a lack of trying...it's because of a lack of funds...again money doesn't grow on trees
• We don't have the best looking house on the block and yes, it needs some work...but guess what that requires? I will give yoiu a hint, it starts with an 'M' and ends with 'ONEY' oh and don't forget that it also requires time...which again, we don't have a lot of

We try to save money...but I feel like every time we get some saved up, there's an emergency... really it's like we take 5 steps forward and then wind up taking 10 steps back!!!! It really is frustrating...I am sitting here crying while I am writing this...of course I want to be able to live in a two-story house with a finished basement, have all our school loans paid off and the two credit cards that we have gone, and enough money in the savings that we could buy a newer car...but the truth of the matter is-we don't have it. And I am crying because I am not sure if we ever will...I know that there are those who are going through worse situations, but I am having my little pity party today...sorry! Maybe I am laying too many of my cards on the table and maybe I am being a whiney baby about this...am I looking for handouts, nope. We have a roof over our head, we have food in the pantry, we have food for the baby, she and clinton and myself have clothes to wear...and while we aren't saving much, we are able to pay our bills...and give Kenzie the most important thing...LOVE. I know you can't buy it, I know it can't pay the bills...but it is enough to get us through this... I know it is...the love for my husband, the love for my daughter and the love for my family (even if they are mad about what I am writing right now)....

Ok I am better...I think...but at least that is off my chest.

GOING RED AND PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE FOR BABY SCARLETT.... WE LOVE YOU!!!